All right, I admit that with the cowbell and things, this conducting thing is getting really crowded.
Therefore, I'll only do this during concerts.
Sometimes, Mr. Band Teacher does Moderately Dramatic Conducting Gestures, which really aren't that funny. Having been to a concert in every concert hall in the world, I know how strange conductors can get. Everybody else in the band room doesn't have this kind of experience.
Some conductors are REALLY old, and can barely breathe, let alone conduct. You think they're going to die in the middle of the performance. It's a good thing they're deaf, or the sforzandos might give them heart attacks.
Some conductors are REALLY old, and yet REALLY hyper. Like Ton Koopman. (Does 'Ton' rhyme with 'Ron,' or 'Run'?) He has a beard (which is an automatic sign of weirdness in a musician), and the way he conducts you'd think he was bending over to tie his shoe every other beat.
I am going to dance around.
I'm going to be like the Dallas Cowboys. Either you LOVE me, or you HATE me, but either way I'm really rich and have a 90-yard TV.
Every once in a while, I'll even wear a Stryper-flavored tie.
Maybe even a Stryper-flavored suit.
You may be thinking, "Don't Baptists think dancing is wrong?"
In that case, I'm thinking, "Who told you I was a Baptist?"
To answer the first question: kind of.
School dances are pointless.
Halftime show dances are wrong for obvious reasons.
Organized crowds who dance in music videos are a crime against music.
Dancing at weddings...we don't dance at weddings. (Don't ask to explain; I've never been married.)
However, David did dance before the Lord.
We're allowed to do happy, I-just-won-a-million-dollars-on-a-game-show dances.
And occasionally, we're allowed to dance for the sake of conducting. Right?
Don't worry, I won't push it. Just an occasional hammertime across the stage.
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