#8 I would find something better then the Concert B Flat Scale.

Every day, our band teacher tells us to warm up with the Concert B Flat Scale. Not that there's anything wrong with that, that's a great scale and it's the easiest for us B Flat instruments because there are no sharps or flats. (I don't know about those E Flat instruments. They can't transpose anyway.) It gets old, though. It's like eating the same thing every day. Like Brice said once, "Why can't we play the Concert B Sharp Scale?" To which the teacher responded, "There is no Concert B Sharp Scale," to which Brice responded, "We should invent one."

So, I have decided to make:

The Official If I Were A Band Teacher List Of Ways To Make The Concert B Flat Scale Better

Wow. That took a lot of breath. Good thing I play a wind instrument.

1. Count with a British accent
Everyone knows that British accents make everything better, and if you talk with one for the duration of the Concert B Flat Scale, you automatically become 16% cooler. If you do a perfect Winston Churchill impression, it goes up another 19%.

2. Throw stuff at the people who are faking their instruments
Granted, that one's a little violent, unless I threw stuff like pillows or cotton candy or hand sanitizer that's not in the bottle. Band isn't very sanitary, anyway.

3. Secretly have the clarinets play three octaves instead of two to throw everyone off
Everyone would hate that. Nobody likes the insane number of clarinets there are, anyway, and secretly allying myself with the clarinets would fit right in with my being a huge fan of drummers. Besides, half the instruments don't have that range. The french horns would just drop their instruments in their laps and glare at the clarinets who obviously are making a mistake, and the saxaphones would just go to sleep. The drummers wouldn't be able to hear what was going on. The whole time, I'd just stand there, directing with my cowbell.

4. Switch out the trumpet's valves the night before
THAT would not be intelligent. Being a trumpet myself (well, technically, I only play the trumpet; I'm a person), I know how they would react. Sabotage would not go over well, and they would only blame the drummers and start a big war, only made worse by those stupid clarinets, playing three octaves instead of two. I wonder why they did that.

5. Get one of the students to put up their hood and sneak around putting counterfeit money on people's stands
By far the strangest thing I've said all day, but just think how distracted the band would be when fifty dollar bills magically started appearing in front of their eyes? Band is looking better already, isn't it? Until they try to spend it and get arrested. That wouldn't be good.