#16 There would be a whole new discipline system.

On this last day of September, I would like to share with you the way things would go down in my class when people GET OUT OF LINE!
Goodness.
You see, the detention system will only work on people who care, and people who care never get detentions. Only the people who don't care. And the only way to get people who don't care to care is to MAKE them care!!!
So, I have invented a system. Actually, I'm going to make up a system as I go along, but you've got to start somewhere.

1st offense: You will get a warning.
This is the classic starting place.Since people never take me seriously, there might be some cracking up at this stage. Teachers get no respect anymore. However, that would be so totally unjustified in my case that I will often move on to stage two:

2nd offense: I confiscate part of your instrument.
You were hoping I would confiscate the whole instrument, weren't you? Oh, you would love that. Getting to just sit there, all hour, doing no work, that's a rare opportunity.
No way! Ah ha-ha ha-haaa haaa!
I'm only going to confiscate PART of your instrument. If you're brass, I'll take one of your valves. (Ooh, the trumpets would hate that, but you've got to show them who's boss.) Unless you're a trombone. Then I'll just tie your spit valve open. That makes an instrument sound really weird.
Don't you saxaphones get all excited, either. You may be thinking I can only confiscate your mouthpiece, in which case you can't play your instrument. No, you're a special case. (Most saxaphonists are "special cases.") You have to play with your mouthpiece upside down. Have fun with that.
Aaaand, if you get caught faking your instrument, we move on:

3rd offense: You go sit in "The Corner."
Originally, I was going to call this the "Stupid Corner," but then I'd get fired and sued for verbal abuse. So, we're stuck with "The Corner." However, The Corner will be a stupid place to sit, whatever the name is. First of all, it's REALLY cold. (It's right next to a vent.) Then, it's in the drum section. (Low blow, low blow.) AND, you have to copy a symphony by hand. Then you get sued for copyright infringement.

4th offense: You have to show up early for class and then when everyone comes in and every leaves you have to say, "Unclean! Unclean!"
Most of you probably don't get this reference. (Hint: it may or may not be part of being a secret Christian in the band.) For those poor unfortunate people who didn't take their health classes in Sunday School, it pretty much means you've got leprosy. You're going to die, and nobody can touch you. You're unclean. It's all a pretty sad deal. Especially when I mock your pain by sitting at the piano singing about leprosy to the tune of "Yesterday."