# 20 The True Test of Bandish...ness...

Are you a hardcore, die-hard, never say never band member? Or are you the band equivalent of a sweaty Philistine? (Secret Christian, secret Christian.) Let's just take us a little test, why don't we? Let's see how much you know. It's time for the:

Evaluation Of Band Member Sweetness Test

1. True or False: It is indeed possible to burp while playing a note. (Drummers may skip this question.)

2. True or False: It's possible to break a bullet-proof drumhead.

3. True or False: There is indeed such a thing as trap set music.

4. True or False: Eight march steps take four yards.

5. True or False: At solo and ensemble contest, you have to go in the exact order of contestents as the schedule says.

6. True or False: At the State Fair, they count you down if you put black tape on your shoes instead of just wearing black shoes.

7. True or False: At junior high large group contest, you perform in a gymnasium.

8. True or False: When standing at attention, your feet are shoulder-width apart.

9. True or False: It is indeed possible to march with a French Horn.

10. True or False: If you eat garlic before a performance, your instrument will sound like a peacock.

Answers: 1. True. I've done it many times.
2. True. Our drummers did it. They also broke a woodblock and a cowbell.
3. False. A drummer always improvises on the trap set.
4. False. Eight march steps take five yards, or 22 and 1/2 inches per step.
5. False. If someone shows up early, they take them.
6. False. We do it all the time.
7. True. The acoustics are wonderful.
8. False. You stand with heels together.
9. All right, so technically this one's true, but they never do. If you play the French horn, you march with a fleugel horn.
10. True. You have to word really at it, though.

How did you score?
10: You have played in the band since fifth grade, or possibly fourth grade. You know all kinds of things like how "one more time" means half an hour of "one more times" and how if you get valve oil on your hands, you're never getting it off.
6-9: You're ok. You know the Concert B Flat Scale pretty well. Maybe you play first part, but you don't get any solos.
3-5: You play the harmony at second or third, and you like it. You don't have to work very hard, and nobody notices when you're supposed to be playing but you're not.
0-2: We could use a couple people like you. Unfortunately, 98% of the band is you. Why are you here? You should know, there are no easy A's in my band class.