#33 The woodwinds that wait until everybody else starts playing to put their instruments together.

This is a strange phenomenon.
There are a few woodwinds (usually thirds and occassionally seconds) that don't seem to realize they're in band class until the teacher tells them to play the scale. And we're all like, seriously? You've had at least three minutes to set up, and you haven't opened your case yet? Did you forget the combination?
No, they haven't. They just sit there. Probably thinking about doughnut holes. (Band members' minds work that way. They don't think about doughnuts, just the holes.) Then, when the teacher tells them to play the concert b flat scale, they're suddenly like, "Oh my, what is this odd rectangular solid resting on my lap? It has clasps and a handle. Maybe it's a briefcase full of money (or doughnut holes)." Then, they open the case, and with a gasp of surprise, they're like, "Oh my goodness! It's a clarinet! I played the clarinet in high school, you know." (Who are they talking to?)
Do they really expect to get away with this? There's a little bit of logic behind it, though. They think everyone will look at them and nod with affirmation and say, "Well they are woodwinds. Those instruments take a long time to put together. Not like the 1.7 seconds it takes to assemble a trumpet."
I have personally put together a clarinet, and it doesn't take that long. Now if you play the one octocontrabass clarinet in existence, I would have a little more sympathy for you. That thing goes lower than a piano.
However, you conventional b-flat clarinets get no mercy.
If only I were the band teacher.